CHAPTER 5 - A FIERCE COMEBACK

A few days after I was discharged, I returned to work. Now, I had to add an additional hour of occupational therapy every day amidst the COVID-19 shutdown. Besides this, my husband's health was deteriorating day by day. This proved to be a bigger challenge for us.

Since my first stroke, I was already living with Anomia where I could not recall the actual name of an object; my confusion between a pen and a watch. This lingers on to this day.  

Using one working hand to go about my daily activities was a whole other saga all on its own, especially when I had always been a right handed and my stroke now affected this  dominant hand. During my first recovery phase, I received consistent help at home. But this time around I wanted to be self reliant.

Saree was the official dress code, and wearing it came with its own set of challenges. Initially, I would get confused as to how to hold the saree. It would be either upside down, or sometimes flipped left to right. To wear it with one hand was quite a difficult task. I would calculate and measure all along the length of the saree, where to tuck, where to pleat, and where exactly to pin it on my shoulder, all using my left hand. 

Another problem was responding to official calls on my mobile. Without the ability to use my writing hand; all the while holding the phone in my left hand, I resorted to a new habit of answering calls, by turning the speaker on and using my left to note details. It was a challenge to write anything rapidly, especially if I had to write numbers in quick succession. I shudder when I have to copy an OTP to this day.

Yet another hurdle was to comb and fasten my hair with one working hand. I did not know how to comb my hair with my left hand using a regular comb, so I bought a circular comb. Putting on the hair clip or tying after combing was another issue. So I managed with a banana clip so it could be placed from above. 

Let’s add grating to this list - be it a carrot, cucumber, or whatever be the produce. I had to change the whole manoeuvre by using my belly and the kitchen platform for securing a plate and the grater, so that I could hold the vegetable in my left hand. It was a spectacle - a real jugglery act which I faithfully follow even to this day. I actively thought and applied my physics knowledge of lever action! It made me wonder how people who don’t study physics can manage - Of course, I realized that common sense and necessity drives action. 

As Neil degrasse Tyson said — Physics is really figuring out what’s going to happen next. And that’s not just about physics.That’s about life.

I struggled to remember the order of cooking and the ingredients. To adapt, I began using and returning each item back to the shelf —like salt— immediately to avoid missing or repeating them. And I narrate all this aloud as if I am instructing myself. 

I had acalculia, and as a result I could not add, subtract numbers which came naturally to me previously. In my class, I would discourage students from using calculators and here I was using calculators for the smallest calculations!

I could neither read books, articles, nor NEWS clippings easily. It was difficult to establish continuity while reading. I preferred to listen to things rather than reading due to my Alexia.

In addition to all these shenanigans, I could not quite express what I had on my mind. This created a need to justify my point over and over again. This continues for me to this day.

I relied on my daughter to validate my decisions, even during simple conversations, as I needed reassurance in making choices. Every small matter resulted in confusion for me.

I tried singing using notes to get somewhere with it but I frequently went off key and failed. So I asked my younger sister if I could attend her online music lessons. It was a basic class level and quite unexpected for her to have me there but nonetheless she welcomed me, to help me improve my state. Being a connoisseur and virtuoso of music this was one of the hardest hit areas for me as I felt a loss of my identity.

All these made it an emotional turmoil, and my situation physically exhausted me. So, I decided to take better care of myself with my dietary needs, adding more nutrition like milk, veggies, and fruits.